12 December 2009


All the cards, calls, texts, emails are great. These are really uplifting for me. I really appreciate all of you and am blessed to have such people in my life.

As the week progresses the energy is really draining from me.  I've worked when I could but find in increasingly difficult to cocentrate for longer periods of time.  Thankfully I shed the pump yesterday and the poison is no longer being injected.  I'm hoping in a few more days I'll start to feel an upswing again.

Physical symptoms were manageable this week.  In reality, while it is uncomfortable, it has not been horrible.  Headaches almost all the time but relatively controllable.  I have no feeling of being hungry or full but am able to eat.  Things definitely taste different but still ok.  Dry, pasty mouth.  No real nausea to speak of.

The head game this is playing on me is really the most difficult part right now.  Left is right, up is down - everything seems to need to be re-calibrated.  All my worries surfacing.  I don't know how to make commitments to people because I don't kow what I will be feeling like.  Clearly the human in me is still holding on and not letting go of this to God.  This is where I need your prayers. 

Even in this short period of treatment I have gotten a whole new perspecitve on many things.  There are easy one's - make the most of now, don't take your health for granted.  But there are truly places where this will go much deeper.  The spiritual side of this is just beginning and I'm seeing Kim in a much different way than I have in years.  There is a lot of upside potential in this.

07 December 2009

Feeling Fortunate Tonight and God's People

Well the short story from Chemo Day 1 is that I am feeling quite normal.  Drugs started flowing about noon beginning with the one most likely to cause problems.  Kind of waiting for something to happen - like I'm crossing the interstate blindfolded.  Every progressing day is quite unknown and I'm just waiting for something to hit.  I'm wearing a pump through the end of the week with the last of the drugs so I'm not sure if this one will cause me any problems or if the others have some hang time before setting me back.  Don't know how I am going to sleep because I've drank about 3 litres of water today and still going. Supposed to stay uber hydrated for the next week.  Regardless, I'm feeling thankful for today.

Two big take aways today.  First, there are a lot of really sick people out there and I'm not one of them.  Therefore I am feeling quite fortunate this evening.  I spent the day in a treatment suite that is kind of an open area with lots of stations around to administer chemotherapy.  Lots of folks in and out during the day.  Unless there is something seriously wrong with my mirror, many of these folks looked to be in much worse shape than me.  And after getting to talk to a few of them I haven't reached a point of extreme pain, lengthy treatment (2 years), serious side effects.  I am truly counting my blessings and it really makes your heart ache for these people.  Good people who have this terrible thing in their life.

Second is the real observation of the sovereignty of a real God who is putting people into my life on a daily basis to help Kim and I get through this.  From the guy who pushes me from pre-op to the operating room and back, the dentist, the pastor who is the husband of the lady across from me today, and countless other incidental (at least it seems so to me) and not so incidental encounters with survivors and friends and acquaintences.  You can't see it while it is happening but it is amazing to look back at the order God planned this for me.  Being able over the last year to re-connect with some great old friends.  The people and new friends and neighbors he has put in our lives here in Evansville who will be a great help to Kim and me.  A terrific family who has always been there.  To paraphrase - With God on your side how can you lose?